Healing Assignment: Forgiveness action steps

In your journal write about how you can:

• Look truthfully at one hurt you have not been able to forgive. How might you see things from their perspective?
• Identify any associated feelings you might have, such as anger, denial, guilt, shame, or embarrassment.
• Imagine what it would be like to live without feeling this offense.
• Make a conscious decision to let it go and then relax your entire body with acceptance.
• Acknowledgement your contribution to the conflict. Yes you did contribute somehow.
• Make amends if necessary for your contributions to conflict.
• Detail how you will commit to changing behavior that helped create the past situation.
• Eliminate the words “fair”, “should”, “deserve” and “Suppose to” from your vocabulary and notice how this shifts your dialogues internal and external.

RETURN TO STAGE 4

Healing Assignment: Send Blessings

A seemingly simple but incredibly powerful practice

This ancient practice used in all spiritual traditions is truly magical.  You can perform this practice silently, aloud, write it out or even as the photo depicts create a physical manifestation by hanging a prayer flag or lighting a candle. So many of our perceptions and feelings are based on ruminating about pasts actions and perceptions of being wronged or hurt.  This practice will redirect your thoughts and create an immediate shift.  You can use the generic "to those" or actually use a specific name. 

• To those whom I may have caused harm, knowingly or unknowingly, through my thoughts, words and actions, I ask your forgiveness.
• To those who may have caused me harm, knowingly or unknowingly, through their thoughts, words and actions, I offer my forgiveness as best I am able.
• For any harm I may have caused myself, knowingly or unknowingly, through my thoughts, words, and actions, I offer my forgiveness as best I am able.

Healing Assignment: Dig in your own dirt

and find the places you got hurt.

 Peter Gabriel said it best with his lyrics…” Digging in the dirt, find the places we got hurt”  So often we are left sitting in our past wounds and wondering "why am i back here, this was better left burried."  Knowing are pasts hurts and triggers is important as awareness is the firts step toward healing and growing in relationships but what happens next?  Not only is it important to find the places we got hurt but to plant new seeds in the fallow soil of life's experiences. How do we learn to see those experiences with our adult eyes and present knowldege?  Your first steps are here but first; are you ready to dig in your own dirt?

 Eve Wood in her amazing book “The Gift of Betrayal” suggests using the following questions to help create new ways of looking at your experience and relating to it and yourself. Here are a few to ponder:

1. You have a choice: do you seize your power or become the victim?
2. How did you get here, and what are you meant to learn from this?
3. What is the role of forgiveness in healing?
4. Take stock, how did this experience help you learn about yourself and grow?
5. Every relationship we have is a relationship that fit in some way a development opportunity for our emotional selves. How did this relationship do that? What is familiar about the patterns in this relationship to other relationships in your life (i.e. parental relationships, childhood roles, previous dating relationships)?
6. There is a light and dark spectrum to every characteristic. How have you moved from the undeveloped aspects of a character trait to the more developed or evolved aspects? (see archetypes and character in going deeper to learn more).
7. The masculine and the feminine. What roles do they play in your life? What are emotional needs that only women can satisfy (sharing feelings, talking about feelings, emotions and situations, relating to distinctly female experiences, support) vs. what men can provide (sex, support, protection, family, intimacy, partnership) What do you need and expect from a partner? How can you cultivate a larger and more diverse support system?

Healing Assignment: Be Peace Now

How to find inner peace by finding your best YOU 

There is a voice in the Universe urging us to remember our purpose for being on this great Earth. This is the voice of inspiration, which is within each and every one of us”.       – Dr. Wayne Dyer

 Practice amplifying positive energy within yourself.

No-one is capable of making you upset without your consent. Begin practicing the intention to be authentic and peaceful with everyone, connect to peace itself, and gain the power to change the energy of relationships with family and friends.

We are precious because of what we are, not who we are with, what we look like, or what we do.

Today realize that you are precious simply because you ARE. You need do nothing but feel your own light.

 Trust life to hear and respond to your positive words.

 Say these affirmations every day and your whole world will change for the better:

     “I am not here to control others, the only thing i can control is my outlook on life”

     " I am now willing to let go of my perception of past hurts so i can live in the present peace and happiness."

     " I am now willing to be compassionate with myself when I'm not perfect"

      “I am now willing to see my own beauty and light just as I am”

      “I am now willing to let people love me for just being myself”

Working with Anger Around Betrayal

 The many forms of betrayal and how to begin to let it go

Being betrayed can be one of the most shocking, hurtful and provoking experiences of our lives.  It is a unique pain that not only hurts but creates feelings of anger, revenge and yes even victimization.  Someone you trusted intimately has betrayed your confidence, your commitment and your honor. There are many types of betrayal; a sexual betrayal, a secret that affects the foundation of a relationship such as an addiction or not living up to agreements around your commitment. Betrayal can be something felt when someone simply withdraws their love and friendship from you. 

Dr Robert Grant, Ph.D. recently offered a workshop, entitled Anger, Forgiveness, and the Healing Process. Here are some of the core ideas about betrayal, healing and forgiveness. to help bring some context and healing to this experience.

Individuals who have been hurt, betrayed, and abused have the right to be angry and resentful. These are normal reactions and emotions when feeling the crushed spirit that can come from being disrespected or abused. If not dealt with, such angry reactions can damage personal health on several levels:  These include killer cell cytotoxicity, autoimmune suppression, disruption of personal relationships, Acute Coronary Syndrome, and consequent increased mortality,

Below is a summary of the key points Dr. Grant shared that promote emotional healing from trauma.

• Anger needs to be acknowledged and processed even though most people are not comfortable with their anger in the first place.
• Acknowledging revenge fantasies- key word fantasy, in a journal or with a trusted friend is key to the process of freeing oneself from anger.
• Finding common ground between yourself or understanding the roots of the behavior of your offender/aggressor helps to lead the way to forgiveness.
• Forgiving yourself is crucial for healing. To forgive yourself, you must accept that you were/are vulnerable and allow yourself to be human. This means accepting that you may have made mistakes if, in fact you had made any concerning your safety or welfare. Also learn the lesson and apply it to life. How will you avoid this in the future?
• To truly heal yourself you must be willing to move from our "pleasure world" of main stream consciousness and acknowledge, and stay in, with inner fortitude and a desire to learn from, your own suffering. The mainstream world we live in fills us with media portraying fantasy romances and people changing over night. Freeing yourself means you must leave the fairy dust fantasies of what you SHOULD have in life and accept the painful realities that have come your way and that come to all of us.
• Staying in the darkness of your suffering is where true learning and a deeper sense of personal meaning can arise. It also provides us with an inner strength in knowing we can deal with whatever may come in life.

The points above are easy to relate to for most of us who have been through painful experiences in life. Coming through to the other side (or at least continuing to work toward doing so) from painful memories of childhood, loss of love or divorce is the real work. But as Dr. Grant shared, "Suffering is the only thing powerful enough to wake you up to reality” and truly allow healing. So in other words, try and find comfort in the process, be open to the message and work to let go for your own benefit, don't continue to give the past power to drain your energy for the future.  You deserve more!

Are Your Thoughts Stuck in Negativity?

Try taming your inner critic and inviting positivity instead.

 Put a positive spin on your self-talk.

There are about 60,000 thoughts that cross our minds each day. Of those thoughts an astounding number are the same thought over and over again. Of those thoughts how many are you consciously aware of? If you tune in and really listen, you will begin to notice many things from the mundane, “What should I get at the store?” to some rather disturbing recurring thoughts such as “why don’t you make a list, why are you so unorganized.” You will also begin to notice themes.

This is your “self talk, “the internal dialogue we have with the many different fragments of ourselves that come together to create our “selves.” The more negative of these dialogues is usually run by the part of the self called the inner-critic, the judge or even your “gremlin.” This is the critical, negative, fearful self that asks questions such as, “Why does this always happen to me?” “What is wrong with me?” “Why is everyone else so lucky, married, happy, etc.” These kinds of dialogues can in fact have an incredibly negative impact on how we live our lives, how we feel and the choices we make.

Whenever you ask a question of yourself, one of these fragments of yourself will answer. If you ask, “Why do I always sabotage my relationships?” Often our unconscious critic will come up with an answer, such as. “You have lousy relationships because there are no men out there,” “ there is too much competition,”“if only you were thinner, more attractive, younger,” or some other nonproductive answer. It does not doubt the premise of your question; it just gives an answer.

The answers can come from a myriad of different sources such as our past experiences, childhood wounding, programming from media and society, or even genetics. Often times we aren’t even aware of the questions we ask ourselves or the answers that come. We are immune, identified and numb to our internal dialogues and negative beliefs.

Can you imagine if someone tried to blast these types of statements on loudspeakers throughout your city? “You’re always going to be alone,” “nothing good works out for you.”etc., etc. It would seem insane and you would likely rebel! Yet we are constantly broadcasting these thoughts, beliefs and harsh judgments to ourselves twenty-four hours a day!

These kinds of questions are called “unworthy questions.” Whenever you ask yourself a negative or unworthy question, you will get a negative and unworthy answer, which creates more negativity in your life. Negative questions thwart the opportunity to get the solution to a problem and keep you in a victim mode. After feeding ourselves these negative and often false messages for an extended period of time, our inner critic becomes the ruling perspective and we begin to believe all this negativity and self doubt. In this victim frame of mind, fear, insecurity, resentment and bitterness become our filters for life. What you put your attention on expands and the unworthy questions themselves become self fulfilling prophecies.

So today, whenever you find yourself thinking an unworthy question, I would like you to immediately replace it with an empowering question. For example, if you find yourself asking, “Why did this happen to me?” immediately replace it with an empowering question, such as, “What can I learn from this to make better choices for myself in the future?” or if you are feeling really brave: “How did I contribute to this situation by being fearful or disempowered.” Learn how to make better choices for yourself.

Your subconscious mind searches for answers to your questions. Make the questions positive to begin with by asking questions such as, “How can I feel more peace and contentment with myself and my life right now?” Your subconscious mind may come up with some amazing and creative ideas for you.

The first step in the change process is awareness.

The next is action is to go to your coaching exercise: Taming Your Inner Critic.

The 3 Types of Forgiveness

And how they will work for you

 "Forgiveness allows us to live in the sunlight of the present, not the darkness of the past. Forgiveness alone, of all our human actions, opens up the world to the miracle of infinite possibility." – Kent Nerburn

 We all know the obvious symptoms that could be relieved by forgiveness — feeling so wounded that we want revenge, constant brooding over a long list of petty grievances, feeling so guilty we don't know how to approach someone we have offended, worry that the hurt could happen again. Bitterness and stubbornness can also be signs that forgiveness is called for, especially when these attitudes are associated with a need to be recognized as the one who is right.

In contrast to these limiting behaviors, which usually erect walls between ourselves and others, forgiveness is freeing. It means that we can move out of our previous position and move on with our lives. Best of all, it enables us to be reconciled with life.

The Basic Practice

There are three kinds of forgiveness, all interrelated. There is self-forgiveness, which enables us to release our guilt and perfectionism. There is the forgiveness we extend to others and receive from them, intimates and enemies alike. And there is the forgiveness of spirituality that intrinsically assures us of our worth and strengthens us for this practice. All the spiritual traditions raise up the value of forgiveness.

Go to your Healing assignment: Forgiveness

Audio: Meditation for Self Acceptance

So often we are the ones who we forget to give compassion and love to.  Take a moment to beam love and acceptance on yourself with this guided meditation.

Audio: Golden Light Healing Meditation

This meditation brings awareness and relaxation to body, mind and spirit.

Lift Your Mood Naturally

Prescriptions from Nature's Pharmacy

There are several supplements, herbs, and vitamins used as mood medication.  Exercise, proper diet, relaxation techniques, and yoga can help lift and stabilize situational or clinical mood disorder. If you have moderate or severe mood problem, or are currently taking pharmaceutical medicines for a mood disorder or are being treated for other medical conditons, discuss with your doctor before adding any supplements. Some of these supplements can be quite powerful and may interact inappropriately with prescription medicines. The following suggestions are given as alternative natural medical information to be discussed with your medical doctor, as with all medicines, dosage, drug interaction and individual medical conditions must be taken into consideration.

Here is a list of nutrients and herbs to assist in lifting depression*

5-HTP may sometimes start working within hours. 5-HTP converts into serotonin, and important brain chemical involved in mood, appetite, and impulse control. 5-HTP suits those whose mood disorder is associated with anxiety, restlessness, or racing thoughts.

dosage ranges from about 50 to 400 mg- do not exceed 100 mg a day.

SAM-e:  a powerful nutrient that starts working within hours. A recent study found SAM-e was helpful even in those with low mood who did not respond well to Prozac and other SSRIs. Sam-e is best suited for those whose mood disorder is associated with low energy, low motivation, and no anxiety. For those whose depression is associated with anxiety, 5-HTP is a better option. There is a risk for overstimulation with Sam-e use, hence dosage should be kept low and it would be good to take a day or two off when one notices overstimulation. SAM-e is not advised for manic depression.

Dosage ranges: 400-1,600 mg a day on an empty stomach.

St. John's wort: an herb used for mood enhancement, usually takes a few days to work. -note: St. John's wort can in some cases aggravate certain types of depression.  For this supplement, please work with your physician on dosage and recommendations.

 
Acetyl-l-carnitine: a vitamin supplement,can lift mood and enhance mental activity. 

B vitamins including pantothenic acid have a mild but pleasant influence on mood. B complex vitamins including thiamine, riboflavin, pyridoxine, folic acid, vitamin B12 (RDA 4-6mcg), and pantothenic acid can improve mood. You may consider a B complex vitamin that supplies one to 3 times the RDA.

Fish Oils: Omega-3 fatty acids are highly concentrated in the brain and appear to be important for cognitive (brain memory and performance) and behavioral function. They are necessary for human health but the body can' t produce them -- they are assimilated through food. Omega-3 fatty acids can be found in fish, such as salmon, tuna, and halibut, other seafood including algae and krill, some plants, and nut oils.  Also known as polyunsaturated fatty acids (PUFAs), omega-3 fatty acids play a crucial role in brain function as well as normal growth and development.

(1,000 - 2,000 mg per day)  Note: if you are using blood thinning medications please check with your physician before using this supplement.

* The information here is meant as a resource and not to be considered medical advice.  As always consult with your physician for your individual health care.