The Relationship Emergency Healing Process
How to use this site
By becoming a member of Relationship Emergency you have taken the first step toward healing your heartbreak and creating a more fulfilled and happier future. You are on a journey and it will be a bumpy ride but you are not alone. Nothing matches the unique pain of heartbreak, it is a fact that the loss of a significant love relationship is one of the most emotionally challenging pains any of us will feel.
Relationship Emergency is a program designed specifically for you to guide you step by step through the end of a relationship, not only how to live through it but how to use this experience as an opportunity for personal growth, healing, and even joy. This step by step process will lead you gently through the five stages of grief and recovery and reveal to you that there is life and love after loss.
This site does address the fact that not all circumstances of heartbreak are the same even though the process of grief has universal landmarks and topics are addressed outside these core 5 stages. These topics include divorce, divorce and children, addiction, abuse and mental illness. You will find these topics in the healing library under additional resources. Please also look to the blog and the forum for additional support and disucussion.
The Relationship Emergency System for Healing your Heart: Healing is not necessarily a linear process, so begin by being compassionate and patient with yourself. You may move back and forth between different stages many times before you’re truly ready to move on. In this therapeutic process which is based on the clinical stages of grief you will find two different aspects; the first will always ask you to “be where you are at,” the second will assist you in “moving on”. You will see this designation in each “Healing and heartbreak” and “Healing Assignment” section within each of these stages. Both of these processes are equally important but may seem opposing, as one encourages moving forward and the other staying where you are at. As we navigate change and integrate our experiences only you will know when it’s time to move from being where you’re at to moving on. What you need to know is that each is a vital part of the process and plays an important role in healing. Being where you're at and allowing your feelings is always the first step. When the emotions no longer feel necessary, moving on is the next step.
As is represented in the diagram of the change process through these stages, there is a danger zone. In this danger zone there is the potential to get stuck in the pain, the loss and the victimization of our experience. This is why people do not heal. There is no timeline for healing and only you will know when it’s time to stop being where you’re at in any stage and to make a conscious choice to shift to the moving on process. You will however be given the tools within your program to recognize the signs of when it’s time.
While there is a saying that time heals all wounds, the fact is time doesn’t heal, it marches on and often numbs us out until another experience re-opens an old wound and once again gives us the opportunity to truly heal it. What does heal us is Insight into ourselves. We can’t truly heal until we understand what happened, why and what we can learn about ourselves. This understanding allows us to continue to evolve and to live happy, vibrant and authentic lives. Lives in which past wounds do not sabotage or debilitate us but become guides for us for an amazing future.
May love and healing light shine on you during your journey,
Tools of the Relationship Emergency Healing Process
The Heartbreak and Healing section is a framework to understand what is happening to us. A compass to guide and a resource of articles which will give context for each stage your in. A step by step understanding of the myriad of experiences and challenges both psychologically, physically and emotionally that people encounter during particular stages of loss, change and healing. In addition you will find that many articles are themed and paired with Healing Assignments. In both these sections the articles, information and assignments will be further defined by Being Where You're At and Moving Forward (for further information see the program for healing your heart above).
Healing Assignments are the homework of healing. Exercises utilizing journaling, reflection, self inquiry and insight. Based in psychological research, coaching methodology, mindfullness and mind body connections. This is where you "do" and implement the work of healing.Yoga:
There are three all levels streaming or download -able yoga classes on Relationship Emergency, a one hour practice meant to help process emotion, and two mini practices for specifically addressing depression and anxiety. In the hour practice you will find two student demonstrators, one for more intermediate poses the other for begining students. The mini classes are demonstrated by Lisa. All classes have strong alignment principles and instruction based in the Anusara method. You will also find many articles on the wide ranging healing aspects of this ancient practice.
Please see below for a more detailed explanation of the mental, physical and spritiual benefits of yoga practice.
As with any exercise please consult with your physician before begining and particpating in a new practice.
A variety of different downloadable audio meditations will be provided as a part of your program. Each stage will have specific meditations as a related part of your healing. There will also be an expanded section of meditations for more general and all encompassing topics and goals. On this site we offer the practices of meditation for self inquiry and knowledge, management of emotion and it's documented chemical benefits to the brain.
Please see below for a more detailed explanation of the mental, physical and spriritual benefits of meditation.
What we put into our bodies is a key contributor to our mental, emotional and physical well being. At times we may also need to supplement our normal healthy diet with additional supportive nutrients. You will be provided with detailed information on recommended foods to eat and supplements available to address common mental, emotional and physical repercussions of loss throughout each stage.
Please see below for a more detailed explanation of nutrition and it's relationship to healing.
In-spirit, as the title indicates this section is for your spirit. You will find as a part of your program through each stage; musical recommendations, poems, quotes and stories that will nurture, uplift and express every nuance of heartbreak and healing.
The Healing Library is literally your library of expanded topics related to breakup, divorce and healing. It is here that you can explore to your hearts content a plethora of subjects to deepen your understanding of what happened, why and how to heal. This section like a library is divided into categories of Heartbreak and Healing, Healing Assignments, Yoga, Meditation, Nutrition, Inspiration and Special Circumstances. Of course like any good library there will be subcategories to further explore as well as references to explore beyond this site.
Going Deeper into the processes:
This section gives background,expanded explanation and definitions for each of the methodologies used on this site
The practice of therapy is a practice based on one on one client therapist interaction and is highly personal and interactive. On this site we will NOT be offering therapy however Lisa’s background and training as a marriage and family therapist and training in the Hakomi method will be utilized in perspective, historical and etiological issues as well as solutions focused attainable goals and practices for self understanding. All of which will be reflected in offered reading resources, articles, meditations and healing assignments.
What is Marriage and Family Therapy?
A family's patterns of behavior influences the individual and therefore may need to be a part of the treatment plan. In marriage and family therapy, the unit of treatment isn't just the person - even if only a single person is interviewed - it is the set of relationships in which the person is imbedded.
Marriage and family therapists treat a wide range of serious clinical problems including: depression, marital problems, anxiety, individual psychological problems, and child-parent problems.
What is The Hakomi Method?
Hakomi combines the Eastern traditions of mindfulness (meditation) and non-violence with a unique, highly effective Western psychology methodology. Hakomi was developed and is applied primarily as an experiential psychotherapy, but is also designed to be integrated by other practitioners in a wide variety of contexts. Hakomi is a body-centered, somatic approach. In a therapeutic context, the body's structures and habitual patterns become a powerful doorway to unconscious core material, including the hidden core beliefs which shape our lives, relationships, and self-images. The body serves as a resource that reflects and stores formative memories and the core beliefs they have generated, and also provides significant access routes to core material. Using present, felt experience as an access route to core material; this unconscious material is elicited and surfaces experientially; and changes are integrated into the client's immediate experience.
Hakomi helps people change “core material.” Core material is composed of memories, images, beliefs, neural patterns and deeply held emotional dispositions. It shapes the styles, habits, behaviors, perceptions and attitudes that define us as individuals. Typically, it exerts its influence unconsciously, by organizing our responses to the major themes of life: safety, belonging, support, power, freedom, control, responsibility, love, appreciation, sexuality, spirituality, etc. Some of this material supports our being who we wish to be, while some of it, learned in response to acute and chronic stress, continues to limit us. Hakomi allows the client to distinguish between the two, and to willingly change material that restricts his or her wholeness.
In the most straightforward terms, coaching means building someone’s competence to face their life situation. Practically speaking, successful coaching leaves People with the following outcomes:
1. Long-term excellence
2. The ability to self-correct
3. Competence in being self-generating
(definiton attributed to www.newventureswest.com)
The coach may apply mentoring, values assessment, behavior modification, behavior modeling, goal-setting and other techniques in helping their clients. Life Coaching is motivational, inspiring, positive and action driven. Life coaching helps you look at where you are now and where you’d like to be, and helps you bridge the gap. By raising awareness and encouraging you to take responsibility for your life.
Yoga has been practiced for more than 5,000 years, and currently, close to 11 million Americans are enjoying its health benefits. Yoga can hardly be called a trend. When some people think of yoga, they imagine having to stretch like a gymnast or imagine the hippies of the 60’s. That makes them worry that they're too old, out of shape, or "tight" to do yoga or that it’s only for the “woo-woo” types. The truth is yoga isaccessible for everyone no matter their age, religion, race, social class or interests.
- The Physical: The series of yoga poses called asanas work by safely stretching your muscles. This releases the lactic acid that builds up with muscle use and causes stiffness, tension, pain, and fatigue. In addition, yoga increases the range of motion in joints. It may also increase lubrication in the joints. The outcome is a sense of ease and fluidity throughout your body.Yoga stretches not only your muscles but all of the soft tissues of your body. That includes ligaments, tendons, and the fascia sheath that surrounds your muscles. And no matter your level of yoga, you most likely will see benefits in a very short period of time. (www.webmd.com)
- The science: By reducing perceived stress and anxiety, yoga modulates stress response systems. This, in turn, decreases physiological arousal — for example, reducing the heart rate, lowering blood pressure, and easing respiration. There is also evidence that yoga practices help increase heart rate variability, an indicator of the body's ability to respond to stress more flexibly. Indeed, the scientific study of yoga demonstrates that mental and physical health are not just closely allied, but are essentially equivalent.
- The Psychology: Yoga offers techniques to become aware, to expand and penetrate, and to change and evolve in order to become competent in the lives we live and to initiate sensitivity and receptivity toward life. We begin at the level of the physical body and through this most concrete and accessible vehicle of our own body we receive even greater insight to understand our minds and our souls. For a yogi, the body is the laboratory for life, a field for perpetual experimentation and research. -BKS IYENGAR, Light on Life
- The Spirituality: The physical body is a magnificent manifestation of Spirit, not simply an inferior material vessel. Similarly, our thoughts, desires, passions and emotions are not obstacles to spiritual awakening which need to be squelched or eliminated, but instead they are God-given means of glorifying and expanding our experience of the Supreme. Ultimately, the body/mind is a Divine gift to help us discover our glory, our greatness, and our worthiness to experience the highest sense of freedom. Embodiment is not some sort of karmic punishment, nor something we need to transcend. Moreover, although this material body/mind is ever-changing, it is not an illusion, nor a mistake of one’s perception. In Anusara yoga we enthusiastically seek to develop and refine all parts of ourselves: body; mind, including our reasoning and intuitive capacities; and our emotions, including the deepest virtues of our heart. So through our Anusara yoga practice we cultivate an ability to clearly discriminate between what is life-enhancing and what is not. We then use our power of discrimination and judgment to align with the good in order to reduce suffering, diminish ugliness, dissolve hatred, and conversely to exult in the splendor of life and our inherent auspiciousness. - John Friend founder of Anusara Yoga
Meditation means awareness. Whatever you do with awareness is meditation. "Watching your breath" is meditation; listening to the birds is meditation. As long as these activities are free from any other distraction to the mind, it is effective meditation. The word meditation, is derived from two Latin words :meditari (to think, to dwell upon, to exercise the mind) and mederi (to heal). Its Sanskrit derivation 'medha' means wisdom. Mediation isessentially non-secular- not attached to any religion, however it is a point of fact that every religion uses meditation whether through prayer, or direct practice.
As a great meditation teacher Philip Moffit says: "Mindfulness (meditation) enables you to go beneath the surface level of moment-to-moment life experience, which is clouded with emotions, to clearly see the truth of what is happening. The untrained mind is just the opposite of mindfulness. It is often described as “monkey mind” because it is continually distracted by one thought, emotion, or body sensation after another. The monkey mind repeatedly identifies with the surface experience and gets lost in it. The insights that arise through mindfulness release the mind from getting caught in such reactivity and can even stop the cycle from beginning."
The Benefits of Meditation
Scientists and doctors agree, more and more, that meditation is having a direct impact on the way the brain is ‘wired’. There has, in recent years, been a dramatic rise of the research and testing of meditation and the exact effects meditation can have on the brain and the heart.
The brain waves of meditators show why they're healthier. Neuroscientists have found that meditators shift their brain activity to different areas of the cortex—brain waves in the stress-prone right frontal cortex move to the calmer left frontal cortex. In other words, they were calmer and happier than before.
(By Colin Allen, Psychology Today published on April 01, 2003)
Many substances in food may affect mood by altering the levels of various neurotransmitters in the brain. It is possible that nutritional factors play a part in many mental illnesses and even marginal nutrient deficiencies can change the structure and function of the brain and nervous system, and affect behavior. Memory loss, confusion and fatigue can be the consequences of a poor diet. Nutrient intake may have a powerful effect on a person's mood, behavior and ability to learn before the better known physical symptoms of deficiency are obvious.
What you eat can affect your mood and your diet can be part of the equation to reduce stress. When you eat a healthy diet, your body reaps the benefits. For example, when you eat fruits, starchy vegetables and whole grains throughout the day you keep your body fueled, your blood sugar level remains on an even keel and you're getting vitamins, minerals, antioxidants and phytonutrients. Combining carbohydrates and proteins enhances the availability of serotonin in your brain. Serotonin is a neurotransmitter said to have a calming effect and to play a role in quality sleep. In addition, simply knowing you are taking care of yourself can boost your mood. And we're all familiar with the power of comfort foods. For example, drinking a glass of milk before bedtime can trigger a comforting memory of your childhood. Basically the science of food's affect on mood is based on this: Dietary changes can bring about changes in our brain structure (chemically and physiologically), which can lead to altered behavior.